Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
