If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
