how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
