Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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