I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
