Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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