So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
