FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
