I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
