sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
