And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
