omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
