where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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