So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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