perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
