Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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