I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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