Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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