She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize