wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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