What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
