Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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