..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
