I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
