i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize