I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
