So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
