Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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