So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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