Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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