Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
