38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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