Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
