He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
