In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
