I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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