im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize