There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
