Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
