Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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