Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's shark week go big or go home
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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