we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
