I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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