Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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