apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
