I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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