I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
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