Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
