I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize
