why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
