Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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