ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
