Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize