He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
