I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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