Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
how drunk are you?
Several
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
