the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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