We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
