you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
