i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
