I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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