Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
