whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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