I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
