You're so nebulous sometimes
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
