I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
