i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I touched a dick in church today
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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