it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
