Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
