Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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