i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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