I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
