Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
