I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
