the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Just pee around me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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