you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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