hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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