I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
