.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
