Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
