if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
